December 19th was my D-Day…my own infamous day that I was counting down to, preparing for, dreaming about, and going crazy over. My desk calendar was full of scribbles of appointments and to-do lists, as well as descending little numbers written in next to the ascending month dates…December 1, 18 days…December 2, 17 days. Now that I’m eight days into the New Year, and 20 days past my wedding day, I am still adjusting to not mentally counting down whenever I look at the calendar date! It’s hard to believe I am now on “this” side of marriage.
Before the wedding, Abe and I were constantly bombarded with “Are you ready?” or “Things coming together?” and countless other questions. Now that we’re married, it has turned into “How’s it going?” and “So, do you like being married?” For the thousands of times I’ve been asked that, I’ll try to answer a little bit now.
I like marriage. I like having someone to intertwine my life with completely. It’s fun figuring out how to get a good night’s sleep in the same bed…without me waking up in the middle of the night with a knee in my side or listening to loud snore-like breathing (that’s what I call it), or Abe waking up to me carrying on a full conversation with myself in my sleep and gradually twisting the covers to wrap completely around me while he’s lucky to still have an edge of the sheets. I like when he kisses me goodbye in the morning and reminds me to start my car before leaving. I like hearing the front door close and knowing he’s on his way to work and I still have fifteen minutes to sleep before I need to get up. 😉 I like going through the day and knowing I’ll see him at home later tonight. I like not having to watch the time when we’re watching a movie, because I don’t have to drive an hour back home…it’s nice just walking up the stairs together. I like packing our lunches together at night, and making food on Saturdays that will last us through the whole week.
Of course, there are tough things. (Says the girl who’s been married all of three weeks…I know!) Like when my tire gets a flat, and we have to use a spare in the snow and ice. But I like how when you’re married, problems like that are opportunities to show love—like the way Abe drove my car to work every morning and let me use his car, the safer one. And then there was the time that I realized I don’t have a clue how to cook hamburgers….yeah, we ate hockey pucks with ketchup on them. And I ruined one of his favorite shirts in the washer. (I PROMISE I know how to do laundry…it’s just a machine that I’m not used to…I think)
I’ve learned that we both like to sleep with noise in the background. Works out good right? Well we figured out early on that actually, I like to sleep with a specific noise in the background. Like a fan, or heater humming, or wind blowing…anything that is low and indistinguishable. Abe, on the other hand, likes to sleep to voices talking or the TV on, or basically any loud commotion will put him to sleep. So maybe that doesn’t work out as good as we thought!
In just three short weeks, I’ve realized that you don’t really know what marriage is until you get married. And then it hits you…the whole, entire, life-long relationship staring you in the face and you realize there’s no hiding from it. And surprisingly, you like it. The other day we were walking through Walmart (waiting for our tire to get fixed) and I noticed Abe stop and stare for a while at a little plaque with a quote on it. I went over to see it, and it said “I never said it would be easy….I said it would be worth it.” I didn’t say anything and we kept walking, but I think that is kind of how marriage is. It takes patience. We quoted that “love is patient” a million times when we memorized 1 Cor. 13, but now it just seems to weigh more. Because now I know, yes, love really is patient. It’s washing the dishes a million more times until Abe can get around to installing our new dishwasher. It’s accepting the fact that no matter how many times I clean our hard vinyl floor, it’s going to get dirty again. (I am still trying to accept that…why can’t it just stay clean??) It’s being kind when you’ve been inconvenienced. Love is when Abe eats what I cook! J
I remember when we were dating I tried to make coffee for Abe and my dad one night. I don’t like coffee and had never made it before, but I figured it can’t be that hard. I used our little coffee maker thing, but put in real coffee when I should have used instant. (I think that’s what I did…I still don’t understand completely how I messed it up!) When their mugs were ready, it was basically hot water clouded by milk, sugar clumped at the bottom, and real coffee leaves floating around the top. I knew that didn’t look right…so I kept stirring and stirring and still the leaves were just swirling around and it didn’t look like coffee at all. Abe came in and drank almost half of it, while looking confused and trying to tell me that it wasn’t too bad. Then my dad came in and took one sip and dumped his and Abe’s down the drain, saying he’ll make the coffee. At least I tried, right?? I’m so thankful to have married someone like Abe. He knows how to put up with a lot, and he knows how to take care of the important things.
We’ve had fun times already and crazy times.
I’ve learned to never try to help him put dry wall up on the ceiling.
I’ve learned that we don’t make a good team when it comes to catching mice.
I’ve learned that if we get phones that don’t have internet, we need to buy a GPS.
I’ve learned that God’s ways are not our ways, and real love and real forgiveness are not cheap.
I’ve learned that God’s love being the common bond between two opposite sinners makes it all worth it.
So that’s a little bit about how marriage is going. I like being married. I love Abe. I love our house and our friends and our jobs and our family. I love our daughter and I love being parents together. We’ve talked about how we can’t wait to be 60 years old and look back at our life and say Wow, those were some crazy days, but it was worth it. Look what God did for us. And I never want to forget the moments looking into each other’s eyes and vowing our lives together. I never want to forget our first kiss, or our first dates, or our first night being dropped off at that nice hotel, and walking through the lobby thinking, “That guy walking in front of me is my husband…am I dreaming??” J Now three weeks into it we have a lot to figure out, but we knew from the beginning it wouldn’t be easy. It’ll just be worth it.
Oh and did I mention we have a killer cat that catches any mice in our house in the middle of the night and brings them up and plays with them under our bed and all around our room? That’s always exciting.
I’ll write the next post about how it’s going being a first time mom right away! Kali is showing me how incredible it is to be a mom, and I love it! J
~Mrs. Abraham Phillips ❤