When All You Want to Do is Hide

So this is what my blog looks like, I almost forgot!! It’s been a while… 😉

April and May are whirlwind months every year for me, but this year they have flown by before I can even catch a breath. Two state competitions for my piano students, three piano recitals, field trips with Kali, programs for my elementary music classes…the calendar on the fridge is full. Probably most of you can relate!

But tonight is Saturday night and Abe is working so I get to blog a little. 🙂

I thought I’d share with you what I wrote in my journal today. I’m not sure what to categorize it as–stepmom stuff, family life, what-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong… but I had a “moment” today. So here’s how it happened, straight from my heart. (And journal.)

This morning: RAIN. GO AWAY.

We’ve had rain for like two weeks straight here where I live. Once again, it’s Saturday morning and raining. And I WANT to go to yard sales!! I had plans this morning to take Kali (my step daughter) and Sophia (my 1 year old niece we are watching this weekend) down to West Chester to go to a big community yard sale with my mom and sister, who is up from Virginia. So I get the little girls and myself ready, pack our backpacks with every possible thing that might placate any temper tantrums, and make sure everyone has raincoats on and hoods up. We trudged out in the rain to my car. To find that my sister-in-law forgot to put Sophia’s car seat in my car the night before. (My kind heart doesn’t blame her. She’s busy and has tons of other things to remember. My inconvenienced brain wants to scream.) I plop Sophia on my lap and drive the couple feet to my in-laws house right behind ours. They’re away on vacation, but surely they have an extra car seat around somewhere. Nope.

Poor little Sophia had to ride in Kali’s car seat  and Kali got to be a big girl and use only a seat belt. And my angel mother went out as soon as I called her and found me a baby car seat for $5 at a yard sale. (Have I ever mentioned that she is the best mom in the world? She is!)

So then we go yard-saling in the rain, and it’s OK. I mean not exactly relaxing and no stress, but it was fun.

We got back home around 2pm, and both girls fell asleep in the car. Yay–nap time! We literally didn’t do too much for a few hours. Straightened up here and there, Abe and I watched a show and ate food…a nice lazy rainy Saturday! Not for long.

The girls got up, and I decided since the rain had cleared and it was nice out that I should take our indoor cucumber and pepper plants out and plant them in our garden. The ground was still wet and soft, and I really don’t know anything about gardening but it seemed like a good idea. So Kali, Sophia and I got to enjoy some time outside. I planted our little sprouts and Kali and Sophia ran around collecting dandelion wishes. It was beautiful. When I was done planting we stayed out for a while, playing on the swings, Kali being a big helper and pushing Sophia in the baby swing. Abe came out and got to swing with us for a few minutes before leaving for work.

Can I just say….

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AFTER YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES FOR WORK??

When he’s home, we’re a beautiful little family. Swinging on the playground. Planting a garden. The kids are happy and love him.

Then. He leaves. And chaos decides it’s time to hit. Because now it’s just mom home! (Oddly, I remember that feeling as a kid. Dad leaves, and it’s like OK we can party now, it’s just mom. What goes around comes around…)

Anyway, literally minutes after Abe’s car goes out of sight, and just as I was about to suggest we go inside and get their baths for church tomorrow, my in-laws dog somehow got loose and came bounding and barking into our back yard. His name’s Boone for future reference. Boone is a medium sized, loud, energetic type dog. (In case I forgot to mention, it had just rained for two weeks. Our yard is basically a giant mud puddle.) Boone proceeded to get myself and the two girls very muddy. I can handle cleaning up mud. But I know this dog, and I know that trying to grab him to take him back inside is next to impossible. I’ve been at their house plenty of times when there’s two or three people trying to corner Boone and grab his collar. The in-laws are away, I’ve got two little girls and a mud puddle, and I just groaned at the thought of trying to take care of Boone. I gave myself lots of excuses why I should just ignore it and let him stay out all night. But I ended up going the responsible route.

I left Sophia and Kali playing and chased Boone back through the trail and trees to his house. Where naturally it was impossible to get a hold of him. While I’m trying to get Boone to come, sit, stay, etc. I heard Kali yelling “Mommy!!” and Sophia wailing. Ughh. I left Boone and ran back to our yard. At this point I don’t even care about my mud splashed jeans. As soon as I’m in sight Sophia stops crying. Kali sweetly calls, “Never mind, Mom!” Grrrrr! Since I was running, Boone got excited and ran with me back to our house, and somehow was just sitting there with all three of us. I grabbed his collar, called Abe’s cellphone, and he decided Boone was staying at our house tonight. Yay. He’s currently downstairs with a mat and water and the door closed.

But chaos isn’t done quite yet. Now we have to get through bath time. Kali was so excited to have Sophia play with her bath toys too. I got muddy clothes off both girls, and picked Sophia up to put her in the tub while Kali was climbing in herself. Sophia chose the moment her feet touched the water to stand still and poop. Right in our soapy clean water-filled bathtub. AAAAUGGGHH. Can my shift be over? Isn’t it someone else’s turn? Abe come back!!!

I cleaned up the tub. Refilled it. Shampooed Kali’s hair for church. Got both girls in their jammies, and was literally hanging on by a thread for bed time. And it dawned on me we never ate dinner. *Inhale.* Crackers, bananas, and milk. We can do this. Then it’s bed time.

FINALLY. The girls were fed, bathed, clothed, clean. I gave Sophia her binky and blanket and rocked her in the rocking chair next to the crib for a few minutes while Kali was in the bathroom finishing up brushing her teeth. I started humming the song that Pappap sings to all of his grandchildren when he puts them in bed.

“Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee.”

I didn’t even get past that first line. Because there in the dark room, Sophia cuddled up on me in the rocking chair, with the fan blowing to give her noise to sleep to, I had a moment with God. Lord all I want to do is hide. Hide from the stress, from the problems, from the chaos. Let me hide myself in Thee. Please! Cleft for me. God made a spot for me. For when the hassle is too much, when I need to hide. The Rock of Ages is my Rock to hide in, my place of refuge. It made me think of one of my favorite verses in Psalms, “Lead me to that rock that is higher than I.” 

Kali came bounding in from brushing her teeth and heard me humming. I asked her if she would sing it for me. She sang the first verse perfectly and beautifully, and my whole aggravated heart melted into a thankful spirit. Thankful for the old hymns. For almost-bed-times. For Kali and Sophia.

Thankful that my God lets me hide in Him, the Rock of Ages, when I can’t even make it to bed time.

Both girls are sleeping now. I have a blog post written. Abe will be home again soon! 🙂

I hope you have had a good Saturday too. EVEN if it involved frustrating circumstances. 😉

Until the next time I drop by….

❤ Flossie

 

 

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Be that one person

Lately I’ve been realizing that I really need to get organized! (I probably should have realized that a lot sooner, I know..) But when I think about everything that I’ve just recently added new to my schedule and life in general, it can just overwhelm my mind sometimes! It hasn’t happened to me that often yet, but last night it’s like I physically felt all of my responsibilities weighing on top of me. My husband, of almost a month, came down the steps to the kitchen where I was putting dishes away (another endless responsibility) and asked, “Have you done wash in a while? I have no jeans upstairs.” My mind instantly remembered that I had put a load in about an hour before we went to church and in the busyness of getting ready to go to church and clean up from dinner and get Kali ready, I must have not heard it beep and forgotten to put it in the dryer!

So that’s not a huge deal, and I went and put them in the dryer and Abe got his jeans this morning before going to work. (Poor guy!) But for some reason it just dawned on me that now I understand what it means to be “mom” and “wife” and the lady of a house. In the space of a month, I have gone from:

-Having just a little room at my parents house, to owning a whole house with Abe.

-Doing dishes on Sunday afternoons, to doing dishes a minimum of 4x a day or else watching them sit there because no one else will do them. (Abe will occasionally though.)

-Throwing my clothes in a hamper and magically seeing them appear folded on my bed, to doing mine, Abe’s, and Kali’s wash all the time.

-Living with no one under 18, to stopping what I’m doing every 5 minutes to either take Kali to go potty (she’s in the process of being potty trained, so we are CONSTANTLY trying to go so that she doesn’t have an   accident) or answer endless questions, or fix endless toys.

-Seeing a messy floor or no towels in the bathroom and thinking “Mom will get it,” to knowing that it’s up to me if I want it fixed.

-Casually wondering what’s for dinner tonight, to intensely concentrating on figuring something out to make for dinner.

I could probably go on and on! And add to that, having a full time job, extra outside piano students, being the church and choir pianist, and our house being a fixer-upper! It’s a lot. J It makes me so thankful for my mom. She homeschooled five kids, kept the house going and food on the table and clothes in our drawers. It seems so basic, but I’m now wondering, how did she do that?? And she STILL finds ways to take care of us, on a different level now. I came home from my honeymoon to find beautiful curtains hung in both mine and Abe’s and Kali’s bedrooms. I wouldn’t have a clue how to do that, and she took care of it! Our bed was made and our house was clean, with even some added cute touches—the table set beautifully with a candle in the middle! Another way she still is there for me: I had told my mom that I was trying to potty-train Kali but don’t know what I’m doing, and when we came over to mom’s house, she had bought cute Dora underwear for Kali to start wearing….all the motivation she needed! It’s been going basically pretty smooth!

There’s tons of other ways that my mom has helped me in this transition to being the mom of my own family. She listens, she sympathizes, and she laughs with me. She tells me her own stories and little by little I have been seeing the quiet faith that she had to have to raise our family. It amazes and inspires me! We have plenty of crazy stories about mom, but I’m beginning to think…how could she not be crazy with five kids like us?? I love the quote from Abraham Lincoln, “Everything I am, I owe to my angel mother.” I can definitely relate! She was my #1 supporter when I was dating and then engaged to Abe. She is the one who makes me able to face life’s problems and difficulties. Because she believes in me, I know I can make it. And THAT is what I want to be for MY kids, too. I want to pass down to Kali the godly heritage that I have in my own mom!

So…if your life is pressing in on you too and you don’t think you can do it, find that person in your life that gives you courage, and keep going! And then make sure that you are that person in someone else’s life too, to encourage them to never give up!

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